Counselling & Psychotherapy in Crawley & Online
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are - Anais Nin
Hello, my name is Nicola Hare dip.couns.mncs(accred). I am a fully qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Crawley specialising in anxiety. I also work with a variety of presenting issues with individuals age 15 + from all backgrounds. This includes work with the LGBTQ+ community, helping teens at risk of self-harming.
I tailor my approach to each person in front of me. For some this may mean working somatically (with the body) or creatively. This can work well for those who have experienced trauma at an early age or who find it difficult to put their feelings into words. Working somatically or cretively helps to access and process early or pre-memory trauma and is best carried out face-to-face (Crawley) rather than online.
My main modality of psychotherapy is Transactional Analysis which offers a wealth of different ways we can work effectively together with your presenting issue.
I have worked as a volunteer with West Sussex Carers Support and in bereavement counselling with St. Wilfrid Hospice. I continue to work with the Crawley Homicide Department and with charities such as Settle.
If you are new to counselling and psychotherapy, I understand you may be nervous or have questions about the counselling process so please feel free to call for a very informal chat to help you decide if counselling is right for you at this time.
New Online Meditation Sessions
Learn somatic awareness, that is, small cues from your body that tell you how you are doing. By doing this you can help yourself out of the trap of impulsive reactions to stress, outbursts, unhealthy coping mechanisms and better meet your needs before they come out in a way you wish they wouldn't.
These meditations are helpful in learning to regulate your nervous system and in helping you cope better with stress, anxiety, and symptoms of CPTSD.
They are held twice a month on Thursdays 12.15pm - 1pm and are £6 per session or £10 for both in the same month.
For more information please visit Classes & Workshops
Latest Blog...
Parents Mental Health Day
‘In the happiest of our childhood memories, our parents were happy, too’
Robert Brault
According to a recent YouGov survey 61% of parents have concerns about their mental health.
Childhood memories can shape our personalities, behaviours and overall health. Our relationships with our main care givers can impact how we see ourselves and others as we move into adulthood. As a parent, taking care of yourself really is part of taking care of your children, yet so many parents bury their needs and plough on.
When a parent is struggling themselves, they can be less available to notice and meet their children’s emotional needs. We have all probably seen many memes and Facebook posts showing monstrous parents shouting at their distressed child. In reality, parents don’t wake up and think ‘I’m going to shout at my child today.’ Most beat themselves up if they have succumbed to overwhelm due to guilt. This inadvertantly causes more stress and can start a downward spiral.
Supporting rather than shaming parents is the best way to help both parent and child.
If you are a parent who is feeling overwhelmed at the moment but who deeply loves their child, please know that you are not alone. I have been a part of many parents journeys who are in this situation and in every single case, it starts with you learning to be kind and patient with you. This is how you break the current cycle.
This can feel alien and is often a new skill to learn. There are often stumbling blocks and sneaky self-sabotage attempts along the way but you can increase your resilience to stress. You can learn a different way to cope with anxiety whereby you can move through it without it taking over.
If you do nothing else, please just stop beating yourself up as this can keep you stuck in a stressful pattern of feeling overwhelmed, reacting then feeling guilty.
You might feel alone with your parenting struggles sometimes but remember that statistic at the top of this blog? 61% of parents have concerns about their mental health. Let that sink in for a moment. Do you still feel like it must only be you?
To honour Parents Mental Health Day on 27th January, Milton Minds is offering three parents (pregnancy – 18 years) three half price counselling sessions online (or £20 off in-person sessions in Crawley). This offer is on a first-come, first-served basis and is not means tested.
In our sessions we can focus on tools to use in the here-and-now, or we can begin to unearth root causes of your current struggles that may originate from your own childhood.
If you, or someone you know could benefit from talking to a trained psychotherapeutic counsellor please get in touch to arrange a free initial call or zoom.
Tips for Mental Health
Self Chatter
Most people are shocked at what they find when they notice and write down what they have been saying to themselves. They've been saying it so long, it's gone unnoticed. When asked if they'd say these things to someone else it's usually a resounding 'no!'. When asked how it's helping and serving them, the answer is usually, 'it isn't'. This can be a pwerful and liberating exercise. If you notice any negative narratives, what could you replace them with that serves you better?
Gratitude Journal
Most people have heard of this writing three things down you are grateful for exericise, but do you really know what this could do for you? Most pursuits of happiness lead to temporary lifts in mood. Repeating this exercise can balance the Negativity Bias that our brains evolved to have, and lead to lasting changes in your base levels of happiness. The trick is to stay with the feeling each gratitude brings you. A small exercise with big potentual for changes!
What Do You Watch?
Think about what you watch, read and listen to on TV, on social media, in books. Does it correlate to how you want to feel and think? Does is match the things you would like to be doing? Make one small change by watching, reading or listening to something that is inline with where you want to be and notice your inner experience afterwards.
First Step
Thinking of all the steps to reach your goal can overhwlem the brain and zap your motivation. If you only think of the first step, your brain can cope with that and it is more likely you will find the energy for it. If the first step feels too big, break that down too. It could be as small as 'turn on my lap top', do an internet search for... or 'get the hoover out'. These smaller tasks are less overwhelming to think about than 'write me essay', 'decide which (insert product) I'm going to buy or 'hoover the whole house. Keep all your energy in and for that first step.
To Do List vs Wish List
If you get annoyed with yourself for not completing a list, you are missing the fact that you are great for doing any of it, or for even having a list! Changing it from a to-do list to a wish list can help your brain reframe the tasks. It changes it from a 'have to' to a 'could do' or even a 'want to'. There is more energy in could and want than there is in a have to - it's just the way your brain is wired!
24 Hours Time
What you did in the last 24 hours will have an impact on how you feel now, and what you do now will have an impact on how you feel in the next 24 hours. So it it feels pointless to make that little decision to shower, walk, work out etc, remember this. Does knowing this spur you on to make that one little choice that could help you out in the not so distance future?
Perfectionism
Now this could be a three day workshop so without going too far into it, know this. There is no prize for you doing everything perfectly. There is only stress, stress if you do and stress if you don't. Can you notice when you are striving for perfection and ask yourself how it is serving you? Can you step out of this goal and enjoy the process for what it is? You have worth just as you are, you do not have to do ANYTHING perfectly to have that, you already have it.
How Do You Meet Anxiety?
Behind Every Behaviour is a Need
Whether you are snapping at loved ones, reaching for a favourite bad habit like smoking or drinking, seeking affairs, or hiding under the duvet, there is likely to be a need behind the behaviour you wish you could kick.
It can be frustrating partaking in behaviours you regret after and it is too easy to pile on the shame or beat yourself up for it. Shame and regret often leads to worse self esteem, more stress, and a higher chance of click here
Anyone Can
If you are suffering right now or struggling in silence, you may want to consider offloading in a safe space with a counsellor in Crawley or online. Talking can lessen the intensity and normalise your experience. Read more
